Posts Tagged ‘funny’


In My Memorial Day

May 23, 2008

I was standing at the pharmacy section of a well-known supermarket here in Las Vegas today, the beginning of the Memorial Day Weekend, waiting for a prescription when I noticed a wall of items that made up the dividing line between the front and the back working area for the employees.  There were just three items of many different brands that engulfed a huge space across the divide.  Cigarette and nicotine aids for the supression of smoking, every possible brand of condoms including French Ticklers, lubricated, unlubricated, various colors, ultra-thin, lamb skins, six packs, etc.  The third item was “personal lubrication” not just your parent’s KY Jelly but names such as Astroglide, Aqualube, Wet, Play, five-count em’-five different versions of the KY brand including – Sensual Mist, Warming, Cooling, his, her, etc.  All items once considered distasteful to look at, much less buy in a public supermarket.  A woman next to me picked up a pack of condoms and some Astroglide and went off to the register and all I could think of was an old commercial line, “You’ve come a long way baby.”

I can remember myself praying for a male behind the counter so I wouldn’t have to get the “eyeball stare” from someone that knew my mother-but those days are long gone.  Not that I have anything against the prevention of diseases, I’m just wondering how dry one can be having sex with a lubricated condom while their patch is pumping nicotine to enhance the experience.

So, that got me thinking about social norms as well as my friend Norm whom I haven’t seen in 15 years and probably never used any of these products.  The way it used to be on a Memorial Day Weekend. Hmm………………

I remember when:

Cellular was a term for the human body

Lubrication was something done at a garage

There would have been a storm of people demonstrating all over the country for a war that lasted this long

The Patriot Act would have a snowball’s chance in hell passing through Congress

We could do math, read, and write or we didn’t pass to the next grade

You could smack a kid’s ass without the Human Service’s Child Protection Unit taking your child away

No one said the word “fuck” out loud in public unless they were working on their car and hurt their hand

People knew how to fix their own cars

Teenagers wore their pants above their hips

Crack was what you showed what you squatted with loose pants

You would never disrespect your father, much less your mother or you would be thrown out of the house

You helped your family by paying board and doing chores when you reached a certain age

Gangs consisted of misfits that sniffed gas and smoked cigarettes

Murder wasn’t something to be “looked-up to” and romanticized by music with overbearing bass lines

We had empathy and took care of our elderly, and respected our forebearers, and even researched family trees

Television and the internet didn’t keep us inside the house forever

We had friends and relationships, not acquaintances and on-line predators

We worked hard to save money for the future and expected no hand-outs

No one wanted to go to war, and no parent wanted their kids to do so

We didn’t give our economy to foreign countries because of multi-national corporations seeking the lowest labor rate and highest rate of return

We didn’t clamor about “free market enterprise” while every other country subsidizes their own private businesses, we beat them anyway

Free meant free and lawyers didn’t have a firm grip on the interpretation of those concepts

and finally-We truly cared about our neighbors, our friends, and ourselves

Where have we gone Joe D’Maggio?

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